The harsh reality...

I am blessed to have met/be acquainted/converse with lots of women. From friends and family, colleagues and coworkers, to social media acquaintances, I always find myself discussing life's daily happenings or just random things. Those conversations, however, aren't always light-hearted and fun. They aren't always positive and 'you go, girl'-ish. Sometimes they take an ugly turn and are filled with pain, resentment, agony, grief and sadness. What is the root of women feeling this way? Careers, money or even body image are not the main cause of a lot of women woes. Your first thought might be " A MAN!," but the harsh reality is, it's you. Who turns a blind eye and repeatedly allows the behavior that creates those feelings? Who controls the type of men allowed in your life? Who forgives repeatedly? Who settles? Who accepts? You do.

I was having a conversation with a friend, and she expressed how insecure her partner has made her. She said she is compromising everything she (knows she) wants just to have this male presence in her life, but what about you and your own presence? You're cool, right? You have magic, true? After the conversation ended, I realized something: a lot of women are not loving themselves the way they should. They love HIM first, prioritize HIS wants and needs before theirs, quiet themselves out of fear of HIS disapproval, are happy when HE is home, rather than simply finding happiness with and within themselves and allowing him to add to that happiness. Therein lies your conflict.

We couldn't possibly love ourselves and in the same breath, allow someone to treat us less-than. I know women who love their bodies, so they feed/fuel it properly. They treat it with care. A basketball player may love the sport, and you can tell because when you see him, he's always "shooting in the gym." Have you ever seen an artist who loves to draw but never puts pencils to canvas, or an individual who loves music yet never listens to it? You can't quite say "I love myself" but allow actions, behaviors and treatment to go against that.

You may wonder if I have some type of "call to action" or solution to fix this problem, but this post is not to make you leave a man or think differently about your man. It is to have you simply think twice about who YOU are and what you deserve. I challenge you, at some point, to ask yourself one question: do I love myself? After answering (honestly), and your answer is "no" or "I'm not sure," have a conversation with YOU. Do some self-reflection, some digging. Accept the harsh reality and make plans to change it--to love yourself again. Even if it's the smallest of things. You'll thank yourself later.

Written with love,

S. S.