Rant time! JK, hey ladies! I'm back and ready to talk about something that only (most of) you all will understand. I was reading a post where some reality star's fiance said he cheated on her because of her postpartum depression. First of all, SKUURRR! You did what? Because of WHAT?! OK. His boneheaded-ness can be discussed somewhere else. Here, I want to address something that is not talked about enough. Although it's becoming more of a topic now than ever before, women didn't just start having babies which means this conversation is way overdue. I want to talk a little about life after having a baby--better known as postpartum life.
The thing that makes me compelled to talk about this topic is my own experience and how it was nothing like what I had seen on television or social media, nor what I had been told by other women. We've all seen it: woman delivers baby. She posts pictures of baby sleeping and tells the world how precious the moment is. What we don't see is mom up all hours of the night with bloodshot eyes because she has not been to sleep. "Sleep when the baby sleeps," they say. People say a lot of things, but for me, none of what anyone said was that easy or simple. So why do we do that? Why do we portray it as such?
My mom has five kids. How did I not know that I would have to wear diapers and that someone would have to help me use the bathroom after having the baby? What about those stitches? Even if you get an epidural and therefore do not experience pain during delivery, that anesthesia isn't going home with you, yet the pain will. Walk? It won't be as easy to do right after having a baby. And your body? My goodness. Why didn't anyone tell me that my stomach would be discolored or to expect there to be a linea nigrea smack dab in the middle well after delivery, or that my stomach would look the way Jim Carey's stomach did when he played the Grinch? My heart goes out to all of you who had to deal with diastasis recti because I felt like my life had ended after I took a seat in a chair and my stomach took a seat in my lap. "Your hair is going to grow and be so shiny and pretty!," they said. Did you all forget to mention that it would all come right back out in huge chunks? Lets not mention the hemorrhoids. Can we please not mention those? I could, but then I wouldn't be living in my truth.
My pregnancy and postpartum experience goes far beyond what I mentioned above, and so do the experiences of other women. There's preeclampsia, gestational diabetes. placenta previa, countless other complications, and some women have to go on bed rest. We don't have to slap on masks of perfection. We're human. Those of you who know me know that I am very transparent because I feel like I experienced quite a "shock" after having my first daughter due to countless unexpected happenings. I did not want to let the next woman walk into pregnancy blindly. I never had a moment where I went "ohhhh yes. So and so told me about this." What they did tell me was the key to losing the weight was simple. All I had to do was breastfeed, but... no one told me how difficult breastfeeding would be... or how painful it would be. Nor did they tell me that I would feel like such a failure when I couldn't produce what my baby needed. "She gon' cry in the car." I did a lot of that. Why? I HAVE NO IDEA, LOL. Hormones are real! But... no one told me. Want to know how I found out pregnancy was the cause of my nightly charlie horses and swollen gums? Google. Despite having lots of friends and family members (who I love very much *hugs*) with children, I received a lot of my answers/information from Google.
This really should be much longer, but I am going to end it here. Postpartum depression is real. Physical, mental and emotional changes after a baby are real. The "you" that you have been your entire life won't quite be the same after having a baby, and nothing is wrong with that. Once you overcome it, you will be more physically, emotionally and mentally stronger, and, to top it all off, you'll have a new best friend who loves you unconditionally for no reason at all. All I ask is that the next time you bring new life into the world, be honest about some of what you've gone through; even if you only share it with one person. Your experience just might help another mom-to-be be a little more prepared.
Written with love,
S. S.
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