One thing I’ve heard a lot recently is how 'dope' the women in my inner circle are. The crazy part about it is that they’re characterized as such from little tidbits I post online and/or through short interactions during parties and events that I’ve held that left other women wanting to become friends with them. Because of this, I decided it’s only right that my girls be highlighted! Not only are they beautiful inside and out with bomb personalities, they are well-educated, have respected careers, and none of them can be placed in any one box. Every month, I’ll shine a spotlight on one of the ladies around me. Because of them, I am constantly upping my game rather than staying stagnant or complacent. With them around me, it's not even an option.
This month's feature will be an anonymous one. Read to find out why (wink).
I wanted to shed light on the types of careers that my circle of friends work in. Tell us a little about what you do.
Currently my job requires me to disaggregate data on the campus and teacher level. I also coach teachers, handle campus testing, deal with student discipline, and serve on various committees that focus on everything from campus instruction to involving community stakeholders.
You previously worked as an assistant principal at a high school which seems like such a demanding job. Do you ever find it difficult to balance being a wife and having such a demanding and/or stressful profession?
YES! It is very difficult to balance period, but factoring in being a wife and having to make time for your spouse, being mentally and emotionally present as well... it is a lot. Plus you are dealing with the demands of your job which are high mentally, emotionally, and physically.
How do you balance it all?
This is something I haven’t mastered. My marriage suffered greatly during my first 3 years as an Assistant Principal. It was worse this past school year. I just had to constantly tell myself that my husband and family is the only constant thing that will be there. This job can change at anytime, you know. It could be there or not be there if an immediate supervisor decided I had to go. So with that thought, I had to start leaving my laptop at home, silencing my work email, and listening to my husband when he said no talking about work when I’m off work.
What was it like working as an administrator over countless teachers and employees as a black woman and a young one at that?
STRESSFUL! My knowledge and ability to do my job was always questioned, teachers didn’t want to take my advice or listen to me, employees challenged me, and on and on! I would here comments about how they thought I was one of the kids, or how they have been teaching longer than I’ve been born. It caused me to constantly doubt myself and reflect on my work performance. I feel it also made me more effective because I wanted to be a perfectionist and leave no room for error on my part.
What is something that you've noticed within the field of education that you are not satisfied/"OK" with?
I am not “OK” with the lack of support districts give to low performing, low socioeconomic, and highly minority attended schools. These type of campuses are all I have decided to work at, and I can guarantee you I rarely saw support for the administration or teachers to ensure proper systems were in place, or employees were growing professionally. It’s like if you know this campus is “high need” everyone from the Superintendent on down need to be all hands on deck, but it’s not. The weight of helping those students is on those at the campus and you are constantly ridiculed for not meeting the bar.
One thing that I try to instill in women as that who you were yesterday or what you did/didn’t do yesterday doesn’t dictate your future if you have the right mindset. You didn’t take the “straight-and-narrow” route to becoming an assistant principal. Talk a little about that and also what prompted you to go that route.
If you mean me being an exotic dancer (LOL) I guess that’s not “straight-and-narrow,” but it worked for me. I took that route because I was working a full time job, going to school full-time and working a part time job as a bartender. After doing this for a few years, I finally got a part time job bartending at a strip club. I saw how much the ladies made, and I was sold on the idea I could work 2 days a week and focus on school.
How do you think being an exotic dancer impacted your life--whether it’s mentally, professionally, relationships and so on?
I think it helped introduce me to a different side of the world I was never exposed to. I was very sheltered growing up, and I was able to see various aspects of people’s lives and grow a better understanding of how one variable can cause a different issue outcome for people. I think professionally it helped build the hustle and ability to talk to people. I can also see when someone is bull-shitting for a lack of a better term when they conceal their true intentions. RELATIONSHIPS... it was difficult to enter into one for a while because the men I met did not want to be faithful to a “stripper” or judged me for my past career. However, my husband was able to understand my past, why I did what I did, and appreciate that despite the fast life and money I kept and achieved my goal.
How easy/difficult was it for you to give up the amount of money you used to make? Tell me a little about why it was worth it.
The shame is with a Master’s Degree, I still don’t make how much I did dancing. It was very easy to give it up because I always new that was not a permanent thing for me. I always knew the purpose for what I did. I just told myself once you stop the goal is to get a career where you make that money look like chump change.
I know so many women who are afraid to step out and pursue their dreams. You made it a point to pursue everything you ever wanted. To whom/what do you attribute your determination, and what do you think holds a lot of women back from doing the same? Did fear ever play any part in your success?
I’ve always been the type of person to set high standards and achieve them. Determination has been a trait I possess for as far as I remember. However, I know the death of my mom pushed me to be successful in her honor. I think what holds a lot of women back is the work to achieve the dream and the fear of failure. Fear didn’t play a part in my success, but it was a feeling I felt once I had all the components reach the next step in my career, which was becoming an AP. I had the degree, I passed the certification test, and then it was like “Oh shit! If I don’t get a job it’s ME. I’m not interviewing right or maybe I don’t have enough experience to even qualify me for this job!”
On another note, for the women who aim to be married one day and want to know what it is like, what is something that you have learned during your time being married, especially being an independent and rather alpha-like female?
I’ve learned it’s easy, despite what others may say! Marriage has been a lot of fun and lessons learned. I’ve learned I could have never become the best version of myself without my husband. I say that because despite being independent and an alpha female, I had to learn to be vulnerable and accept my flaws to improve. He was the only one that I felt comfortable to do that with. I also trust him and know he is a Renaissance Man; therefore, I am able to tone down my alpha side and let him be in that role in our marriage.
There is a stigma that once a woman gets comfortable in a relationship or especially when they get married, they “fall off” or let themselves go. That doesn’t seem to be the case for you since you’re always in the gym and always searching for a way to eat healthier. What drives/motivates you to stay in shape and even more, how do you even find the time to do it?
LOL! Well I have always worked out and been obsessed with how my body looks so I’m just programmed to do it. Also, my husband loves working out so we do it together when we can. The motivation comes for wanting to look great for myself and him, as well as being healthy to combat hereditary health issues. It’s hard to find time but I tell myself get 3-4 workouts in a week and I aim for the morning if I can. If I miss the morning I run workout when I get off at the gym or at home.
You seem to have it all, so where do you see yourself in 10 years?
In 10 years... I am in the midst of switching careers,
so I will be an executive at a company or owning my own company. That company would be a consulting firm that assists the type of schools I use to work at improve academics and the acquisition of social and emotional skills for students.
Thank you girlie!!!
Love it❗️